dear dolce...: August 2011

dear dolce,

i miss u too much TT"___"TT

❀ ✿ ❁

4 or 5 more days till Aidilfitri..

its like one of the happiest celebrations. ne?
not really for me. maybe not this year.

why.

..because Dolce died one day before last year's eid..

i want to celebrate it with him.

eid/raya without dolce on the first day of the festive was devastating. heart-breaking. heart-throbbing.

how can i possibly enjoy the day when he died d day before?

he's one of the dearest one to me. a son. closest soul.

i know he's in his last few days, but i just cant face the fact that he'll eventually die.

'they' want me to put him to 'sleep' since we cant visit him during raya. so there, i killed my son.

how can i ever accept this fact.

i never felt that sad. not in my years of breathing.

when i brought home his dead body, i ran up to my room with him. cuz one thing that i regret the most is that, i didnt get to bring him back home to our room when he's still alive. (i started to cry at this point of typing..)
and i know that he want it badly.

every time i visit him at the vet ward, he tried to stands up..shaking, wanting me to bring him back home.

how deep is the sadness..i wonder.

i dont know.

cuz i still cry whenever i think of him. even though its been a year. never had this kind of feeling.
missing something too deep. too much.

i can never forgive myself.
this thought never leaves my head.

what did he actually wants?

1. to live n suffer till he die, but he'll live his life to the fullest n spend times a bit longer with me.

or..

2. ends the suffer by hoping we'll put him to 'sleep'.

do i have the power to take away his life?
do i have rights over his decisions?

how can i watch n let him died..he was staring into my eyes deeply..

we are not just owners n pets.

its more than that.

we are two souls that complete each other.

dolce..i really miss you.